i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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