is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
