i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
