Please, let me fuck your mom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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