i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
