She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
