Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
