Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
