dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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