his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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