I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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