It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
