standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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