All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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