the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
