I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
