I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
