matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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