I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
