Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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