I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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