she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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