Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
