There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
