Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
