is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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