is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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