I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
