"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
