we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
