We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
