That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
