sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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