do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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