he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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