I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
