Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
