I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
