i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
