Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
