I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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