I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
