How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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