Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
