1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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