Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
