In America we eat man semen.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
