she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
