I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
