I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
