I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
