yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
