He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
